


Collateral

by Azzandra



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen, Sylvain's self-worth issues, actual ray of sunshine Ashe Ubert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22481842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azzandra/pseuds/Azzandra
Summary: After Ashe takes a hit for Sylvain during a battle, they have a little heart to heart. The conversation is a bit more revealing than Ashe expects.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert & Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 9
Kudos: 122





	Collateral

By the time Ashe left the infirmary, the gentle ministrations of Mercedes had taken care of the worst of his injuries, but a lingering stiffness in his back and shoulder had him longing for his own bed. This was, luckily, compliant with Mercedes' prescription of bed rest and only light physical activity, so Ashe was in the midst of vividly fantasizing about his head meeting his pillow when he ran into Sylvain loitering outside the infirmary.

"Hey, Ashe," Sylvain greeted, "still kicking?"

"As long as I don't strain my shoulder, I think Mercedes will allow it," Ashe returned, smiling weakly.

Sylvain laughed a bit too loud at that, made an abortive gesture as though he was about to throw his arm around Ashe's shoulders but thought better of it, and rubbed the back of his own neck instead.

"Let me walk you to your room," Sylvain offered.

"Um... sure, but you don't need to go out of your way. I'm mostly fine," Ashe said.

"I'm not going out of my way!" Sylvain insisted. "It's the least I could do after you took that hit for me."

Then he laughed again, so strangely that Ashe didn't know what to say. He did take a hit for Sylvain, but it wasn't as though Ashe had even thought about it before he did it. It was one of those moments when battle instincts took over, and it felt weird to take any credit for it. A proper knight would have maybe been doing it deliberately, instead of the desperate--and clumsy--lunge Ashe had made to intercept the soldier about to strike an unhorsed and injured Sylvain in the back.

But he didn't want to just brush Sylvain off, so Ashe just nodded and accepted Sylvain's company.

* * *

It wasn't until they reached Ashe's room, and Sylvain followed him inside, that Ashe figured out they were actually going to have a conversation. Sylvain pushed the door closed behind them as Ashe sat down on his bed, feeling his lingering soreness catch up with him even after the short walk from the infirmary. 

Or, really, Ashe had assumed that Sylvain wanted to talk, but he was doing a much better job of inspecting Ashe's room instead, gaze roaming over its contents just to avoid meeting Ashe's eyes.

"Listen, Ashe," Sylvain said, smile turning strained, eyes darting around the room, "I appreciate what you did back there, but you shouldn't put your life at risk like that for a guy like me."

"What do you mean?" Ashe said, with an incredulous huff of laughter. "Sylvain, you take blows for the rest of us all the time. Do you really think we wouldn't do the same for you?"

But Sylvain didn't answer right away, only looked at a spot in the distance, up and to the right of Ashe's shoulder, and the longer the silence extended, the more Ashe felt his heart sink and his smile slide off his face.

...Had they all really given him that impression?

"Hey, I'm not saying you guys wouldn't, just that you shouldn't just stick your necks out like that for someone like me." Sylvain gave a laugh--and this time Ashe could see how fake it really was--and then grinned at Ashe. "Aw, come on, Ashe, what's with the face? I'm just here to thank you for being such a stand-up guy! You're going to make a great knight one day. Really."

Ashe felt the praise curdle in his stomach, not because he didn't think it was sincere, but because it was clear how Sylvain was just using it as a distraction.

"Sylvain," Ashe said. Whatever other words he was going to add after that seemed to leave him completely. Instead, he reached out to grab one of Sylvain's wrists, afraid he was going to disappear before Ashe figured out what to say to make all of this better. But even with Sylvain tethered in place by Ashe's persistent grip, Ashe could still not find the correct words. "Sylvain," he repeated again, fainter and sadder.

"Hey," Sylvain said in response, not even trying to fake a smile anymore. He looked Ashe in the face now, with a gravity that should have seemed incongruous with the cheerful Sylvain they had all met during their time at the Officers' Academy. 

War, tiresome and unrelenting, had stripped away layers from all of them, and even Sylvain couldn't go on pretending all the time.

Ashe felt himself swallow dryly as he decided to do something about it. He tugged Sylvain's wrist to pull him over, and Sylvain, though a bit confused, let himself be maneuvered to sit on the edge of the bed next to Ashe. It was easier to think without Sylvain looming over him.

"I'm sorry," Ashe said, "if we've been such poor friends to you, Sylvain."

"Ashe--" Sylvain started, sounding argumentative already.

"Please let me speak first," Ashe requested firmly. Or, he tried to sound firm, but his voice already wobbled around the burning knot of tears in his throat. "Do you think any of us would be okay if you died?"

"Ashe--" Sylvain sighed.

"Annette would cry!" Ashe blurted out before Sylvain could protest. "And-- And Mercedes would be so sad! You two are friends, aren't you?"

"I-- Yeah, kind of, but--"

"And what about Felix? How would he feel if you died?"

Here Sylvain hesitated longer.

"Felix would be okay."

"Was he okay after his brother died?"

"I'm no Glenn."

"Maybe not. I never met Glenn. A lot of us haven't, we just see how you're all still affected by his death. But we do know _you_ , Sylvain. Warts and all. And if you died... I don't know if any of us would ever be okay with that. I know I wouldn't, because all I would think about for the rest of my life is what I could have done to prevent it."

The silence extended for a long time between them, as they didn't meet each other's eyes. Ashe could have gone on, ennumerated all their wartime companions who would miss Sylvain. But he let the thought rest for a while, and allowed Sylvain to ruminate.

Eventually, Sylvain snorted.

"I guess if I died," he said with a tired smile, "Ingrid would be forced to say nothing but good things about me for the rest of her life."

Ashe giggled involuntarily at the thought of Ingrid--whose main interaction with Sylvain was through stern lectures--praising Sylvain to anyone who hadn't met him.

"So we're settled, right?" Ashe asked, his mood buoyed.

"Settled on what?" Sylvain said.

"You're not going to die in this war," Ashe declared.

"Uh... buddy, I don't think that's completely up to me," Sylvain pointed out, looking more amused than anything. But when Ashe turned huge, watery eyes on him, Sylvain amended, "But I guess I'll pencil it into my schedule. Not dying, that is."

"Good," Ashe said, grinning. 


End file.
